December 1994: "Heavy Mettle"

"Everyone had been begging me to go [Rollerblading], including my dear unmarried friend Stacy Schiff, who Rollerblades in full makeup, a black bodysuit with pantyhose, and an Hermès scarf tied as a headband; Josh had suggested she try skateboarding with a white veil, a bouquet, and a lawyer, so the divorced dads playing visiting-day Frisbee in the Sheep Meadow will be absolutely certain to get the hint."

November 1994: "How Swede It Is"

"All around me were families of every race, color, and creed, some with one tiny terrified grandmother clutching a large plastic purse; it was great that all of these ethnic groups were shopping together, but I felt very guilty about sharing the American big-butt thing with innocent Koreans and Jamaicans and Indians. It's as if they gave us delicate calligraphy and graceful temple dancers, and we gave them refrigerator-size sneakers and the concept that oversize T-shirts worn to the shin are slimming."

October 1994: "Bombs and Bombshells"

"Jamie is a terrific mate for Arnold; it's sort of like Nora Charles being married to one of the World Trade Center towers. Eventually, Jamie gets to dangle from helicopters and slaughter terrorists herself; somehow this makes True Lies into the most romantic movie I've seen in ages."

September 1994: "Animal Attraction"

"As the story gets rolling, Mufasa teaches little Simba how to be a ruler. Mufasa's voice is supplied by James Earl Jones, so I expected him to mention that doing voice-overs for Star Wars and Yellow Pages commercials can support your theater work."

July 1994: "Clear and Present Boredom"

"Actresses are always complaining about how there are no decent roles for women, but I don't see a lot of stars taking any juicy chances the way Kathleen does. Are female movie stars really jealous of the roles that male stars get? Do they really wish that they could be playing another troubled gangster or attorney on the run or policeman falsely accused of brutality and frozen in a cryogenic prison?"

June 1994: "Adam's Crib"

"It's supposed to be a charming romantic confection, and it sort of is, except that most of the people in it are English, which pretty much kills the hot-stuff angle; a naked Englishperson seems like something that has had its shell removed and been left on the highway. I think English people feel that sex is something Americans do because we can't read."